How to Create Deeper Bonds with Men Versus Women

Dating, new relationships and mature relationships alike all rely on each partner’s ability to bond effectively.

“Why can’t I seem to create a secure connection with him,” is a question that crosses many women’s minds when dating and one of the most inspiring and relationship changing pieces of information I’ve come across covers the difference in hormonal reactions based on different types of interactions that people can engage in.

What’s the key hormone to bonding with a masculine man?

If you’re dating or in a relationship with a “man’s man,” you know, the kind who likes sports, strategy, competition, a strong jawline and probably a loyal crew of friends and colleagues that he keeps, it’s likely that he naturally produces high levels of vasopressin.

Vasopressin is a hormone that is involved in social behavior, including bonding and aggression. In men, vasopressin levels increase during sexual arousal and bonding, and may play a role in mate selection and pair bonding. Studies have found that men with higher levels of vasopressin tend to be more faithful and committed in relationships.

Men who produce high levels of vasopressin generally display:

  1. Strong bonds with romantic partners: Men who produce high levels of vasopressin tend to have stronger and more stable bonds with their romantic partners.

  2. High levels of trust and social bonding: Men with high levels of vasopressin tend to be more trusting and have stronger social bonds with friends and family members.

  3. Increased aggression: While high levels of vasopressin are generally associated with positive social behaviors, some research has suggested that excessively high levels of vasopressin may be associated with increased aggression and violence. This is likely due to the fact that vasopressin can influence the regulation of stress and the fight-or-flight response.

  4. Protective behavior: Men with high levels of vasopressin tend to be more protective of their romantic partners and family members.

They also tend to report higher sexual satisfaction in relationships, greater interest in developing and maintaining long term relationships, an increased tendency towards monogamy and a lesser likelihood for infidelity. Vasopressin is responsible for promoting feelings of loyalty, commitment and positive social interactions, so if you’re looking to bond more deeply with a man,

Overall, the relationship between vasopressin and social bonding is complex and multifaceted. Lower levels of vasopressin production in men may be associated with reduced bonding behavior and social deficits, although it’s important to note that the research on this topic is still ongoing and not entirely conclusive.

One theory is that men who produce lower levels of vasopressin may rely more on other hormonal systems to facilitate social bonding. For example, some research suggests that men who produce lower levels of vasopressin may compensate by producing higher levels of oxytocin, which is another hormone that plays a role in social bonding and attachment.

Other factors, such as upbringing, personality traits, and life experiences, may also play a role in shaping a person’s social behavior and ability to bond with others. For example, a person who had a supportive upbringing and has high levels of empathy and emotional intelligence may be able to form strong social bonds even if they produce lower levels of vasopressin.

How do I know whether my man produces high levels of vasopressin or not? 

Well, aside from the list above, here are a couple more hints you may look out for:

Studies have suggested that men with higher levels of vasopressin may have more masculine facial features, including a stronger jawline and brow ridge. This may be due to the fact that vasopressin is involved in regulating sexual behavior and promoting male physical characteristics.

Some research has suggested that higher levels of vasopressin may be associated with increased muscle mass and strength. This may be due to the fact that vasopressin can influence the regulation of the stress response and promote physical performance.

So if your guy is a really masculine type, he likely produces high levels of vasopressin. If he displays softer characteristics physically or some alternative to the list above, he may bond through a combination of vasopressin and oxytocin, which is the hormone  that has a social reputation for being more “feminine.”

Keep in mind, though, that the gender doesn’t matter as much as genetics, environmental factors, childhood upbringing and even age.

Here are a couple tips for enhancing vasopressin levels in your partner to foster stronger bonds:

  1. Competitive sports: Engaging in competitive sports has been shown to increase vasopressin levels in males, potentially due to its association with territoriality and aggression. Maybe a game of laser tag or an escape room on date night?

  2. High-intensity exercise: High-intensity exercise, such as weightlifting or sprinting, has been shown to increase vasopressin levels in both males and females.

  3. Problem-solving activities: Engaging in problem-solving activities, such as completing puzzles or working on complex tasks, has been shown to increase vasopressin levels in males. Really, anything oriented towards problem solving will give him that “teammate” feeling!

  4. Video games: Playing video games has been shown to increase vasopressin levels in males, potentially due to its competitive and problem-solving elements.

  5. Financial decision-making: Making financial decisions, particularly those that involve risk and reward, has been shown to increase vasopressin levels in males. So, get on each other’s team about finances and watch his felt sense of bonding increase.

A couple other sexy methods would be sending sexy photos to your mate, as these types generally respond positively to erotic visuals, or listening to music that is emotionally arousing (find out what he’s really into musically, and why!).

Ok, so what about bonding through Oxytocin?

Oxytocin, is often referred to as the “love hormone” because it is involved in social bonding, trust, and intimacy. Women have been found to have higher levels of oxytocin than men, but that isn’t necessarily always the case, and oxytocin has been shown to play a greater role in maternal behavior and attachment in women.

So how do we leverage this knowledge about Oxytocin and create stronger bonds?

Sexual activity is known to increase oxytocin levels in the body. During sexual arousal and orgasm, oxytocin is released in both men and women. This surge in oxytocin is thought to play a role in bonding and attachment between sexual partners.

Oxytocin is released during physical touch and intimacy, which can include sexual activity. It promotes feelings of trust and attachment, and can also have a calming effect on the body, reducing stress levels and promoting relaxation. Oxytocin can also enhance sexual arousal and orgasm, and is thought to play a role in the experience of pleasure during sexual activity.

Spending time with loved ones and engaging in positive social interactions can help boost oxytocin levels. This can include things like having a meaningful conversation, laughing, and expressing gratitude.

Interacting with animals, especially petting or cuddling with them, can help boost oxytocin levels. This is why therapy animals are often used in hospitals and nursing homes.

Meditation and other relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and mindfulness, may help boost oxytocin levels. These activities help reduce stress levels, which can negatively affect oxytocin production and release.

What are some of the other important hormones we need to pay attention to in order to have healthy, happy lives and relationships?

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a crucial role in motivation, reward, and pleasure. It is involved in many brain functions, including movement, memory, and attention. Dopamine is released when we experience pleasure or achieve a goal, reinforcing the behavior that led to the positive outcome. Low levels of dopamine are associated with depression, lack of motivation, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Endorphins are natural painkillers produced by the body in response to stress or pain. They are often referred to as the “feel-good” chemicals because they can create a sense of euphoria and well-being. Endorphins are also believed to boost the immune system and reduce stress levels. Exercise, laughter, and social interaction are all known to increase endorphin levels in the body.

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that plays a crucial role in regulating mood, appetite, and sleep. It is often referred to as the “feel-good” hormone because of its association with feelings of happiness and well-being. Serotonin is also important in regulating gastrointestinal motility and can affect sexual desire and function. Low levels of serotonin are associated with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

If you’re looking to boost your libido a bit, ladies, I have an article on just that, here.

And, you can also engage in the following activities to support healthy Serotonin levels, too, which is directly connected to our sex drive:

  1. Exercise: Regular exercise has been shown to increase serotonin production and release. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day, such as brisk walking, jogging, or cycling.

  2. Sunlight: Exposure to sunlight can help boost serotonin levels. Try to spend some time outdoors every day, especially during the morning and midday hours when the sun is strongest.

  3. Diet: Eating a balanced diet that includes plenty of complex carbohydrates, such as whole grains, fruits, and vegetables, can help boost serotonin levels. These foods help the body produce more tryptophan, an amino acid that is needed to produce serotonin.

  4. Supplements: Certain supplements, such as 5-HTP (5-hydroxytryptophan, also used at aftercare for MDMA Therapy) and St. John’s wort, may help increase serotonin levels. However, it’s important to talk to a healthcare provider before taking any supplements, especially if you’re taking medication or have a health condition.

  5. Relaxation techniques: Activities that promote relaxation, such as meditation, yoga, and deep breathing, may help boost serotonin levels. These activities help reduce stress levels, which can negatively affect serotonin production and release.